A Long Time Ago...

Wow.  So I half knew I had this blog, but I'd never given it much thought.  Facebook isn't good enough and I still have alot to say.  Almost 7 years changes a lot of things... including topics of discussion.  

First, I'm not gonna do some stupid update.  The important moments from the past will surface on their own. Second, if you are reading this, then I think higher of you than your random park/library buddy.  Maybe even higher than that.  So I expect you to keep what you read to yourself, or at least ask before you share with others... 

With that.... féidir shaol aghaidh...

Why is it that some people let their emotions just settle deep enough that their first reaction when you reconnect is a negative one?  Especially exes.  Then ones should know you are pissed at them, are oblivious.  There is a simple solution to both issues: communication.  We have all this media, and easy ways to reach out and get ahold of anyone, but yet we still can't communicate?  Why, now, is this?  Then if by some miracle real communication between adults breakthrough, someone has to find a way to make it difficult.  I just don't get it.  "Talk things out", "chat about...", "a serious conversation regarding....", these are ways to express yourself to keep from slipping back to some sophmoric behavior.  And there is probably a person(s) out there that think I'm talking to you... no.  You just helped remind me of the whole scenario. Enough on that....

I'm finding a hard time heading home.  I've developed this social anxiety that is triggered by idots, drunks, small minded and unfortunately the mentally disabled.  I just cannot stand it anymore.  I could just swoop in at the last minute, and sleep where I usually do with my friends, but bless them, not even they are enough to fix this.  When I am at home, I feel like I'm at a daycare center designed for adults...

But

Every time I try and get away, even for a day or two, I end up back at home.  It's a large stellar body and I'm a poor comet tryin to get through.  It seems impossible.  It seems improbable.  But I have tackled bigger improbabilities in my life.  This one will be defeated as well.  I've yet to figure it out yet.  I thrive on puzzles.  The only answers I can't get are usually due to lack of resources.  I can plan and set up a network of actions that will result in success.  I used to be a bit of a con-artist.  I like to call myself a social engineer now.  Think Robin Hood and you might get closer.

So, I do whatever it takes to stay away as long as possible.  Coffee shops are good for that.  Without them I wouldn't be writing this.  But this only lasts so long.  As well as the money.  I'm not so flakey as to just sit in a coffee shop, faking it to use the wifi.  If I'm gonna leech your wifi, I'll sit outside.  The gas station is an option, depending on the time of day (I pissed off a certain manager).

Thats another subject all by itself.  I've been visiting this certain gas station that has seating and wifi for the better part of 12 years.  No single employee has been there since I started going there.  I take my meds one morning whilst there.  I doze off, I guess he tried to give me a warning, but nonetheless he booted me for sleeping.  And then I came back the next day.  He let me eat and leave.  Twenty-four hour ban for dozing off?  Come on dude.

I shall try again in the very near future, maybe even reason with them.  When I have money I spend it, or I get others to spend money.  I'm sure we can come to some sort of understanding.  

For some reason I have this feeling of urgency.  The coffee shop does close in an hour.  But the urgency is different.  It's as if I forgot to do something.... but stretched out.  If that doesn't make sense, then I dunno how to explain it.

It happens from time to time.  Meds take the edge off, but of course are not a fix-all.  But it seems to seep through the meds... like a piece of paper sat on previously occupied drink spot... it makes itself known.  Like that tapping person next to you waiting for you to do the right thing.  Don't get spiritual on me, it ain't like that.  It's me, or a part of me that is waiting for me to make the next move.  I feel a disappointment set in, which is sad because it's mine, and I don't care.  Be disappointed.  I'm living life.

So before you take the tone of this recent post and look at it as some sort of diary or journal, you would be gravely wrong.  Sometimes I need to get stuff out, and this is the only way.  If it references current events, well ok.  I'd imagine that as normal.  Nope just sittin here, properly medicated, chatting with a couple friends online.  Thought I'd get some thoughts out.

Oh my god (I'm going to do my best to stay away from txt slang) finding this damn thing from the backend proved a freaking chore.  An hour's worth of work?  It should have taken me 15 tops.  I had to reactivate this, password that, blah blah blah.  Damnit people I just wanna write.  I lost probably on the order of 500 ideas and concepts on the way here.  Maybe they'll come back.  But... will I want them then?  Something to consider.

Some upcoming topics:

"Album Liner Thanks" to all of my friends

Probably some poetry

Rants

Raves

And anything else I feel like posting.

/object: "Craigslist Rant", catagory: rdm

Okay, you are a young woman looking for a man via electronic means.  You post an ad on craigslist.  You get a reply (from yours truely), including a picture.  Talking, exchanging forms of communication.  Everything seems freakin great, and then she stops answering texts, and when I call I get "i dunno" shortly followed by call me back in 30 mins.  I'm not stupid.  But you can be an adult./rant

Throughout all my bitching, I'm lucky to have a laptop, warm clothes, a couple of books and ideas.  Thats a positive point right?  Now one would think it'd be appropriate to leave on a good note.  Sorry.  Have more to say, and can't guarantee the exit to you.  

I did meet someone, that has yet to follow in the footsteps of my CG ad fiasco.  She's got a good heart, and we seem to click well.  I'm being open, yet weary.  I'm done with the crazy ones... dating a girl that gets money from Uncle Sam is not necessarily a good thing.  But it's honestly been so long since I've done this blind.  Wish me luck I guess